When I started seriously considering marriage, I thought finding the “right person” was all about making lists of qualities I wanted in a spouse. Through prayer and mentorship, I realized I needed to focus first on becoming the right person, specifically in three key areas that would honor God.
The most foundational quality I needed to develop was being truly secure in Christ, understanding that no human relationship could complete me the way Jesus already does. Building strong character became my next focus, recognizing that the habits and choices I made as a single person would carry into marriage. Getting planted in a solid Christian community was the third piece - surrounding myself with couples whose marriages I wanted to emulate and friends who would speak truth into my life.
Looking back now, I see how transformative it was to shift from asking “Who should I marry?” to asking “Who is God calling me to become?” When we pursue Christ first and foremost, He shapes us into someone who can build a God-honoring marriage, rather than looking to marriage to fulfill needs only He can meet.