My slightly embarrassing confession: I came to faith not too long ago and I genuinely have no clue what I’m doing when it comes to talking to God. Like, none. I’m pretty sure most people just naturally know how to have a conversation with the Almighty, and then there’s me, sitting there in total silence like I’m on a first date with the worst social anxiety imaginable.
How you actually pray? What should you be doing?
My go-to right now is finding other people praying online and just kind of following along. Which probably makes me the Christian version of someone who lip-syncs at karaoke.
Following along with other people’s prayers is a good way to learn.
The main thing is building a relationship with God, so you can talk to Him in your own plain words. He already knows what you need, so you can just start simply. Even something like “God, I don’t know how to pray, but I want to know You” is enough. I think this is a good video to watch if you’re new to faith.
You learn to pray by praying badly for a while. Sometimes a long while. I think that’s probably how you learn anything really.
I started the same way, following along with other people’s prayers online. Victorious in Prayer has a lot of videos over the years and there’s plenty of others. I just follow along with the words and for a long time… that was praying.
The Psalms helped a lot when I wanted to go beyond that. Even the disciples had to ask Jesus to teach them, so the awkward first-date silence you mentioned puts you in decent company.
Eventually I just talked to God the way I’d talk to a friend who already knew the whole story. The lip-syncing phase ended on its own at some point. I’d borrowed enough words by then that some of my own started to just… happen. You don’t need to use anything special, you’re just practicing having a conversation.
Using someone else’s prayers is a normal way to learn how to pray. Plenty of people start that way. Maybe at the end… add one line that’s yours, even just something simple like “God, today I’m worried about __.”
If you want something simple to start with then… even just the Lord’s Prayer works. Thank God for something specific and ask for help, for yourself and for other people.
It’s fine for it to be quiet. Don’t sit there straining to hear a voice. Most of the time the answer comes later, through something you read or something a friend says. Or you just slowly figure out what to do.
Takes a lot of pressure off… I can start with one plain sentence about whatever’s right in front of me, even if that’s admitting I have no clue what to say.
ACTS, if you know it. Worship first then confession then thanksgiving and requests only after that, and the same ending every time: ‘Your will, not mine.’
It was the closing part of prayer I needed to figure out first. Knowing I could say ‘In Jesus’ name, Amen’ gave me an exit strategy and having that made starting less scary.
Once the ending was down, the rest stopped feeling like an awkward conversation. So now I work backwards. Reaffirm that I trust God’s plan even when I don’t have one myself. The middle part fills in.
It isn’t fair to expect yourself to have it down right away. You learn the basic rhythm first, and then slowly, sometimes more slowly than you would like, you start making it your own.
Still counts. The Spirit intercedes when we don’t know what to pray, even wordless groans (Romans 8:26) or silent first dates. And you’re not alone in that.
