Dating God’s way in today’s world feels almost impossible sometimes, but I’ve learned that it really comes down to having the right foundation. When both people are genuinely seeking to honor God and grow closer to Him, everything else tends to fall into place naturally.
I used to think setting physical boundaries was just about following rules, but now I understand it’s more about protecting something valuable. The standards we set show what we truly value.
The most important question isn’t about specific rules or boundaries - it’s whether both people are pursuing the same spiritual goals and walking in the same direction.
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The Spirit reveals a truth through the bitter fruit I’ve witnessed: those who sat idle, waiting for God to drop a spouse from heaven, now walk in resentment, while those who chased after beauty alone found only emptiness. Neither passive waiting nor lustful pursuit leads to the promise God calls us to active wisdom in seeking a companion who shares our spiritual direction. The path lies between the extremes, where faith meets intentional action guided by His principles.
The Bible doesn’t give us a modern dating manual but I’ve found some principles that have really helped guide me.
Thessalonians 4:3 talks about abstaining from sexual immorality, and I’ve learned that physical boundaries aren’t just rules. They’re really about protecting something precious and maintaining that purity.
I’ve also come to appreciate the wisdom in 2 Corinthians 6:14 about being ‘equally yoked.’ When I was younger, I didn’t fully get this, but now I see how important it is to date someone who shares your spiritual values. It makes such a difference when you’re both growing in the same direction spiritually and can support each other’s faith journey.
Proverbs 19:14 says ‘a prudent wife is from the Lord.’ Notice it doesn’t say we find her she’s FROM the Lord. Changed everything when I started praying for God to prepare both me AND my future spouse instead of just hunting for her.
The Bible actually focuses on broader principles about how we treat each other and honor God in all relationships.
Stop looking for a rulebook and start focusing on developing wisdom and discernment instead. How do you personally gauge whether someone shares those same spiritual goals early in the relationship without it feeling like an interview?
Is it possible that when we date someone who doesn’t share our faith, we’re actually setting ourselves up for constant internal conflict between what our heart wants and what our spirit knows is right?
Makes me think if the loneliness of waiting for someone who truly shares our spiritual direction might actually be less painful than the heartache of loving someone who’s walking a completely different path.
In my area, culture pushes quick marriages but God says wait for His confirmation Young believers get stuck between society and faith, rushing into things they shouldn’t We need His timing, not the world’s! Amen!
I’m learning that my impatience in dating often reveals how little I actually trust God’s timing.
When I find myself lowering my standards or making excuses for red flags, it’s usually because I’m operating from a place of fear that God won’t provide. Still working on truly believing that His plans are better than my desperate attempts to make something work.
Dating should be illegal until you’re 30!
I watched too many friends rush into relationships at 19 thinking they were mature enough, only to realize years later they had no idea who they even were yet. There’s wisdom in taking time to establish your career, ministry, and identity in Christ before trying to merge your life with someone else’s.
I actually think Christians should date as many people as possible at the same time!
Not romantically, but I mean being in community settings where you can observe how different people live out their faith before zeroing in on one person. Too many of us go from zero interaction to intense one-on-one dates. Getting to know someone in group Bible studies, service projects, and church events first shows you who they really are when they’re not trying to impress you.
I discovered the hard way that how someone handled money while we dated predicted exactly how they’d handle it in marriage.
She always expected expensive dates but never offered to contribute, talked about designer everything, and justified it all as ‘God wants us to have nice things.’ Those financial red flags I ignored became the exact issues that created constant stress later. Now I tell young men watch how they view stewardship, generosity, and contentment.
Solomon warned about this for good reason.
I really appreciate what you shared about foundations. It doesn’t get talked about enough, but how important it is to be growing spiritually at a similar pace.
I remember learning about the biblical image of oxen yoked together and it really hit home for me. If one person is sprinting ahead spiritually while the other is barely moving, you end up pulling in different directions. I’ve seen relationships struggle because one partner felt spiritually disconnected or like they were constantly trying to catch up.
I used to think I was in some kind of holding pattern, but then I realized this was actually prime time for deepening my relationship with God. The clearer I became about my own faith walk, the clearer I became about what I needed in a partner. It’s like God was preparing me for a relationship where He would stay at the center, not get pushed to the margins. Now I see that the goal isn’t just finding someone who checks the ‘Christian’ box, but finding someone you can actually serve God alongside.
When you’re both focused on glorifying Him together, it creates this incredible foundation that can weather any storm. It’s not just about having a relationship that survives but about having one that truly thrives spiritually and helps both of you grow closer to God.
